How To Succeed In A Complementary Relationship
What Does It Mean To Be Complementary?
Put simply, a complementary relationship between two people is the unified growth between opposing characteristics and behaviours.
The coming together of:
Someone shy and someone outgoing,
Someone always on the run and someone relaxed,
Someone with a need for organization and someone who thrives in chaos
Someone who needs a shotlist and someone who relies on candid photos
Someone who loves to use the cooking utensils and someone who loves to keep them clean
Someone who is the yin to someone's yang
Someone who gives the push and someone who receives the pull
Someone who makes the pull and someone who feels the push
This is the way life continues to grow. Without hunters finding food, those taking care of the young would not have ways to do so. The symbiotic teamwork makes the dream work. This is how things were and this is how things are. Which is why we'll continue to be attracted to people who complete us.
Complementary relationships are founded on completion.
When we feel incomplete in some area of our life -- consciously or subconsciously -- we'll look to fill it. Through things, through places, and most of all, through people. And this is inevitable since we can't do everything perfectly. We will always need people and we will be attracted to the ideal lovers who fulfill what's missing in our lives.
They epitomize what we lack, what we long for, and have the ability to bring out the person we want to be.
Our weird and mangled society fortunately agrees on this, as well. We may be fine as individuals, but we make sense being with someone who complements our behaviours.
The trick with this is to find the right person to complete you.
How do we know if someone completes us in the right way?
Is my partner too different?
Is my boyfriend too immature?
Is my girlfriend too childish?
Are me and my significant other incompatible?
The answer is yes. We're all immature, childish, and incompatible in some ways, but that doesn't mean we can't live a life full of love with them. (Another post on this soon). Accept their current faults, and then look to the future.
When you think you're too different, you need to ask yourself where you're going.
Not where you are.
Not where you've been.
But where you're going.
Picture your ideal future self. Do you see your partner (or potential partner) there with you, helping you reach that place in time? This could just as easily be applied to business partners or clientele. Do they fit your growth and life vision?
Examples of complementary relationships:
The famous ones we call Power Couples
Beyoncé's fierce operatic vocals with Jay-Z's lyrical words of genius. They're different, but they come together to create harmonious music.
Amelia Earhart's aviation skills and feminist voice with George P. Putnam's marketing and publishing prowess. Totally different, but fit perfectly for shared growth.
Frederic Chopin's composing and piano talent with George Sand's novelist and socialistic opinions. So opposing but undoubtedly brought each other inspiration and muse.
Granted, at points these couples may have had questionable bouts, but as long as they could love, that's all that truly ever matters.
If they don't fit your future, then it's your responsibility to communicate this to them. Don't let it slide. Don't repress it. Don't think it will go away by itself. Call up that person right now, text that person right now, make a date right now, and go over your worries. Don't let it fester and grow into resentment. (Letting go on another post).
If you do see them fitting in with your future goals, let them know.
Things to say to your long-term partner:
I see myself waking up to you every morning.
I see myself giving you the time and attention you ask for.
I see myself being inspired by you.
I see myself growing with you.
They offer you peace, they offer you happiness for the future, they offer you feelings of completeness.
That's STEP 1 in being in a successful complementary relationship.
STEP 2 is tackling this need for completion.
The downside of complementary relationships and how to fix it
We can't always rely on them for our personal fulfilment. The reason we were attracted to them in the first place is because we wanted what they have. That ideal cleanliness, organizational skill, punctuality, creativity, discipline, business acumen. We wanted that in our own life.
What this means is that we must learn from them.
Allow yourself to be molded and forged into their character you so desperately lack.
Listen to them when they complain about your spending habits.
Do something about your untidy habits.
Accept that you haven't been emotionally present enough and show up.
Become more of who you're attracted to.
The trouble is that the idea of changing someone isn't typically regarded as "true love". Traditional romance is the idea that we must completely love someone for who they are, all faults included. This is a mistake. We weren't the same person last year, last month, this morning. We're constantly changing and "true love" should understand that.
We would like to better our partners, so we must let them better ourselves as well.
The trick to this step is letting yourself be better. Allowing yourself to teach and be taught.
We tend to resent anyone who tries to change us, and it can be painful to accept our own faults and weaknesses. But anyone trying to accomplish anything in life has to swallow their ego.
You are not perfect.
You can only perfect the acceptance to change.
Feelings of humiliation, belittling, patronization, embarrassment. LET IT ALL GO.
They love you not just for who you are, but who you can be.
And you must do this in return.
Allow yourself to teach, to communicate with love and patience. You must see them for who they want to become and help them.
You may grow feelings of annoyance while teaching, but again, don't let your ego and emotions take control of your actions. They're growing, and whether or not you know this, you're helping them grow.
So allow yourself to learn,
And allow yourself to teach.
Finding completion in another is a doorway to completion in ourselves.
Complementary relationships are among many ways to describe a healthy relationship. Loving another for what you lack, and educating yourselves to fill those gaps are the foundation of a growing union.
Do not ever stop listening to each other's worries.
And keep growing as individuals and as a couple.
P.S. - I’d love to know how you teach and learn together! Let me know in the comments 🤗