150 Questions To Long-Term Love
Hello my friends,
This past weekend was my birthday and I thought it might be fun to give a little gift to everyone who follows along on this blog. For those who don't know, I published my first major book at the end of 2020, and I'm so incredibly grateful to have it do decently well in your eyes. I cannot thank you all enough for the love and support. And to commemorate such a huge personal milestone over the past year (literally being able to say I've published a book ❤️), I'd like to extend the basis of Wedding Day Confidence to any new readers and viewers here.
Below are the 150 questions that I believe it takes to grow a meaningful, intimate, long-term relationship. Specifically for you and your potential wife / husband / spouse-to-be.
Each set of 30 questions is categorized into 1 of The 5 A’s (more details about them here). And each set of 6 questions has an accompanying, deeper, explanation in the book– however, it is not necessary to read this explanation if you can already interpret the context of the question. If not, feel free to interpret the question in any way you choose.
AFFECTION:
Q1. Who made you feel the safest while growing up?
Q2. What was it about this person or these people that made you feel safe?
Q3. What are the top three characteristics of this person that you want in your partner?
Q4. How would you describe this person’s approach to cultivating your sense of safety?
Q5. What action made you feel safe?
Q6. Describe a specific memory of how this person made you feel safe.
Q7. When you needed help, how often did you ask for help?
Q8. Describe an early memory where you under stress and had to solve a problem on your own.
Q9. If possible, describe something you were taught as a child that you felt had unsatisfactory guidance.
Q10. Share a specific memory of when you needed the most help from someone else.
Q11. Practice the Corrective Experience exercise.
Q12. Clearly invite your partner to feel an empathic pain or stress you currently have and accept that they are there to help.
Q13. When did you feel anxious in your relationships?
Q14. Would you describe yourself as overly frightened when your caregivers were unavailable?
Q15. Was there a lot of unpredictability during your childhood?
Q16. Thinking back, do you remember being overly obsessive about certain things as a child? Explain.
Q17. If applicable, describe a childhood memory that still makes you angry today.
Q18. What reoccurring events happen when you feel anxious today? Describe these patterns to your partner, as well as how you can implement an abundance mindset to mitigate this feeling.
Q19. Is there anyone you were really close with, but now feel confused about how they treated you?
Q20. Are you still holding on to these confusing childhood relationships?
Q21. Describe a childhood memory of yourself actively going into a dangerous situation.
Q22. What one situation, in your early childhood, caused you to feel the most loved one second, followed by the most hurt the next second?
Q23. When do you feel the most frozen to act in stressful situations?
Q24. Come up with a secret code that you and your partner can use to indicate the other is slipping into a behaviour of insecurity.
Q25. Where in the world would you like to live?
Q26. On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with the attachment style you believe to have?
Q27. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you think you need to work on your attachment with your partner?
Q28. Describe a pleasant environment you frequently visited as a child.
Q29. How clearly can you see your partner in your dream home?
Q30. On a scale of 1 to 10, how flexible do you believe yourself to be when it comes to meeting your partner’s needs in a future home?
AMBITION:
Q31. Who was living the life you wanted to live?
Q32. Do you believe you set goals too much for the short-term or for the long-term?
Q33. Were you trying to be like too many people?
Q34. Thinking back, do you think you were confused about the look of success and what you believe to be success today?
Q35. How easy was it to achieve the goals you wanted?
Q36. In what grade school situations would you have liked your idol to take over for you?
Q37. What aspects of yourself do you wish you worked on more?
Q38. Do you believe it was hard for you to determine what stopped you from achieving your goals?
Q39. Do you think you handled your problems well?
Q40. What stopped you from achieving your goals as a young adult?
Q41. When you are stuck on a problem, do you often to think about it first, or act right away?
Q42. How easy is it for you to share your problems with your partner?
Q43. How would you have utilized a Think Week as a grade school student?
Q44. How much do you think you’ve grown at identifying the true causes of your problems?
Q45. Do you believe you would use a Think Week effectively today?
Q46. How often did you confuse surface-level barriers with deep-rooted barriers as grade-schooler? Do you think you are better at it today?
Q47. Use the Socratic method to determine a deep-rooted problem that you have about your wedding.
Q48. Design a 7-day schedule for a hypothetical Think Week to design your perfect wedding celebration.
Q49. Which of these methods of thinking were you most familiar with: divergent thinking or convergent thinking?
Q50. Which form of thinking do you tend towards while working on group projects?
Q51. In your relationship, do you believe you take on the same or different methods of thinking?
Q52. Does traditional education keep you from solving problems by divergently thinking? Would you say you can think creatively?
Q53. Would you say you can smoothly transition into divergent thinking?
Q54. Go through your wedding day schedule (or a hypothetical wedding day schedule) and come up with a creative way to get in all the important events you want with at least 15 minutes of leeway time between them. Pro tip—treat driving to locations as an event.
Q55. When are you in flow state?
Q56. Do you still experience the same flow-state you did as a child? Is it better today?
Q57. What are you doing when you lose track of time?
Q58. Do you lose track of time doing similar things? Totally different things?
Q59. What tasks do you need to do, but also know that your partner would do them better?
Q60. If you had to do one job for the rest of your life, what would it be?
ARTISTRY:
Q61. How do you bring value in your profession?
Q62. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe your professional colleagues understand your worth?
Q63. What topics tend to make you the most argumentative in your relationship?
Q64. Why is your job special to you?
Q65. What do you appreciate the most about your profession?
Q66. Which values around work do you and your partner share the most?
Q67. Why do you think your coworkers like talking to you?
Q68. Who are the work friends you enjoy being around? Why?
Q69. On a scale of 1 to 10, how open are you to listening to their ideas?
Q70. When do you most validate your coworkers’ ideas? When are you least validating?
Q71. How intimidating do you think you are around your colleagues?
Q72. Who are three people you speak differently to? Explain why.
Q73. Describe who you look up to in your industry.
Q74. On a scale of 1 to 10, how engaged are you at trying to persuade your coworkers?
Q75. Do you believe you persuade your significant other drastically different than your coworkers?
Q76. What do you think your partner will appreciate most about your role model? Least?
Q77. How defensive would you get if your partner disagreed with your role-model?
Q78. Who is someone you dislike in your industry? Explain why.
Q79. On a scale of 1 to 10, how assertive do you think you are?
Q80. How often do you fight for your ideas in the workplace?
Q81. Would your colleagues describe you more of going over-the-top in proposing new projects, or someone who retracts at the first word of disagreement?
Q82. When do you tend to sacrifice your initial ideas?
Q83. Describe a recent argument that caused you to compromise a lot.
Q84. True or false: you tend to fight to be right before mutual agreement.
Q85. When do you feel the most accomplished and fulfilled?
Q86. Do you believe you have a validating, volatile, or avoidant conflict resolution style with your partner?
Q87. How often do you dwell on arguments you’ve had to compromise on?
Q88. What ethics are you absolutely not willing to compromise on in your work life?
Q89. When do you feel the most passion for your line of work?
Q90. Which highly-rewarding tasks at work do you believe you can do for your relationship as well (e.g. organizing schedules, reading finances, décor choice)?
AWARENESS:
Q91. If you could reimagine your birth, what would it look like?
Q92. Who do you think has the most influence in the world today?
Q93. On a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly would you have wished to be raised differently?
Q94. Why do you think your birth into the world was perfect for you?
Q95. Why do you think your birth into the world was completely wrong for you?
Q96. Do you actively stay up to date with general world knowledge?
Q97. Where in the world do you think you best fit in?
Q98. How do you typically lose track of time while surfing the internet?
Q99. What cultural phenomenon are you currently interested in?
Q100. List your top three dream places to live in
Q101. Which of your travels sparked the most engagement in you and your partner?
Q102. Complete this sentence: “I feel accepted where I am now because…”
Q103. When planning a trip, do you fill your schedule or do you leave it open?
Q104. Do you act based on external proof or your own intuition?
Q105. What motivates you to buy certain foods?
Q106. Describe a recent moment you let this meta-program influence you into making a regrettable decision.
Q107. Do you think you are easily influenced?
Q108. When was the last time you completely disagreed with your partner? Was this due to one of you having an external proof meta-program while the other used their own intuition?
Q109. When in all of history, other than right now, would you have liked to live?
Q110. Was your last big purchase made out of fear or out of pleasure?
Q111. Do you believe you make more decisions to relieve pain or to gain pleasure?
Q112. List your top five reasons for wanting a one-way time travel ticket.
Q113. Complete this sentence: “I want to live during a time where I can…”
Q114. When thinking of your wedding schedule, what times do you believe will cause the most pain? What will cause the most pleasure?
Q115. Why do you, or why don’t you, feel connected enough in the world?
Q116. Do you notice how similar you are, or do you notice how dissimilar you are around others?
Q117. On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable do you feel around the people you spend the most time with as a couple?
Q118. What groups of people do you feel the most connected with?
Q119. How often do you make decisions based on how different they are?
Q120. In what situations do you like seeing similarities, and what situations do you like seeing differences?
AWAKENING:
Q121. Describe an embarrassing moment that still makes you shiver.
Q122. What types of memories embarrass you the most?
Q123. How often do you believe to be in a depressive state?
Q124. Describe an embarrassing moment that makes you laugh.
Q125. Predict and describe a future embarrassing moment that includes your partner.
Q126. What do you tend to think to yourself when you feel embarrassed?
Q127. What upcoming event are you most frightened of?
Q128. Describe doing something you know would be difficult for you to do.
Q129. What are the worst (realistic) consequences that could happen?
Q130. Remind yourself and your partner why you are going through this in the first place?
Q131. What are the best-case scenarios that could happen because of this happening?
Q132. What makes you excited for your future with your partner?
Q133. What upcoming event are you most excited for?
Q134. What do you feel like you lack the most in your life?
Q135. What excites you the most for your upcoming wedding?
Q136. Describe a past excitement that caused you to only think about that event all the time.
Q137. Do you believe you are too distracted when you think of upcoming exciting events?
Q138. What are you most thankful for right now?
Q139. Describe a recent compliment you received that boosted your self-confidence.
Q140. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you let compliments inflate your ego?
Q141. Describe how a recent compliment changed your thoughts about yourself?
Q142. On a scale of 1 to 10, how appreciated do you feel by others?
Q143. What compliments make you the happiest?
Q144. True or false: your mood is heavily reliant on others’ praise.
Q145. When are you most at peace?
Q146. What do you think about when you want to relax?
Q147. Describe three past events when you felt the most at peace.
Q148. Describe three scenarios that would bring you into peace.
Q149. If money wasn’t a question, what would you do every day?
Q150. Why do you love your partner?
