Wedding Day Confidence: Chapter 1
The following article is the whole of Chapter 1 from my book Wedding Day Confidence. Full book now available here
1. INTRODUCTION:
Defining good-looking
The lights dim in the reception hall, setting the scene for the most defining moment in the couple’s life together. A projector flickers a slideshow of images of their first date and first kisses, documenting every moment up to the groom's surprise proposal. As the heartfelt memories fill the white wall with colour, they welcome a reaction of endearing oohs and aahs from the audience.
And then came an awkward silence.
Projected for all the wedding guests to see, even the courtesy invites sitting at the back, were photographs of the bride locking lips with none other than the groom’s best man.
“Apparently the groom had found out his fiancée was cheating on him and he hired a detective to find out more. When he found out it was the best man, he went along with the wedding… just to expose their secret!”
My jaw dropped to the floor; I couldn’t speak.
Moments earlier, I was having a conversation with Stephanie and Kevin about filming their wedding day. Our meeting started with my usual round of questions to get a feel for the type of wedding video they wanted, but the conversation took a turn when we got into things to avoid on the wedding day. Out of nowhere, Stephanie dropped this story they heard from their wedding DJ.
“The groom announced he didn’t actually sign any wedding papers, and he told everyone to just have a fun party. The bride’s family was paying for everything!”
To this day, my stomach flips every time I think about this story. At the time, I had no reason to believe anything like this would happen outside of a mid-afternoon telenovela. Do couples plan for outlandish catastrophes like this happening on their wedding day?
Anticipatory Anxiety
Whether or not a couple has legitimate fears of soap-operatic plotlines, or something equally rambunctious, playing out, there are more than enough mundane stressors to any wedding day that can keep couples from enjoying their time.
There is a phenomenal amount of stress associated with tying the knot. Given the meticulous planning, tight timelines, and the many moving pieces, there are quite a few reasons why this could be the case on your wedding day. Yet, even if everything goes as planned on the organizing front, couples may have a hard time enjoying themselves. This is often credited to anticipatory anxiety, an overstimulated response to future events and situations. Anticipatory anxiety can lead to preoccupied thoughts, over-exaggeration, and overthinking.
It can be hard to unplug from the worries of your personal, social, and work lives on your wedding day.
Did I choose the right coloured bouquets?
Are the reception seating arrangements fixed?
Is my schedule up to date?
As you celebrate a union and mark a new step in your relationship, it’s hardly fair to expect you to be unphased by new responsibilities and commitments you’ve made to one another, even if it’s just for one day. Overthinking takes us all over at some point in our lives. Even wedding guests can get caught up in the rut and feel the strain of the day, even though they are mainly there to party. At some point during your wedding day or videography/photography session, your mind might wander to the things that are annoying or bothering you, and while that’s inevitable, it’s important to figure out a rhythm that will put you back at ease.
That’s what this book is for. Through a series of discussion questions, this book will guide you and your partner to learn more about each of your mind’s inner workings, your greatest strengths, and most hindering challenges. These intimate conversations will help you and your partner reconnect and refocus on what’s most important—the love you share.
I will also walk you through my framework of getting couples to de-stress and relax on their wedding days (and days after the wedding) so that your videographer can capture the good-looking couple you know you can be on film, all while having a genuinely stress-free time.
But what exactly is “good-looking”?
Perhaps you may envision the mind-boggling “wedding of the year” from Crazy Rich Asians or a Hollywood face posing for Vogue, but in the next few chapters, you won’t find the secrets to becoming the next Golding or Hadid. Instead, you’ll discover ways to ensure you share your most genuine smile and loving gaze on your wedding day. And when it comes to capturing your breathless moments with cinematic flair, you can leave that up to your esteemed videographers.
What is Good-Looking?
It was during my pre-wedding meeting with Stephanie and Kevin that I finally was able to contextualize what good-looking truly means for a wedding film.
When first meeting with couples, I like to take the time to get to know them, after all, I won't just be at their wedding, but a part of it. I learned that Stephanie and Kevin’s meet-cute took place on the beautiful grounds of the University of Western Ontario. The two kinesiology students were good friends before they started dating and are both from the Southwestern region of Ontario. I also asked what they believe their love languages to be (quality time and acts of service), what song they hear when they envision their wedding video (All The Way's "Timeflies", though their first dance song was Lee Brice's "I Don’t Dance" ), and what advice they may have for someone planning to get engaged soon (“trust that everything will work out”). Throughout this book, you will understand the importance of asking questions like these, but for now, know that asking the right questions to really understand someone will play a big role in helping them become “good-looking” on camera.
I also asked them my favourite question, “What made my work stick out to you?”
“They’re so professionally done, and I just love how there’s a story! A lot of wedding videos are just like music videos, but you include the speeches and include such real moments,” said Stephanie.
“Ah, like candid shots?”
“Yes! Very candid and real!”
I don’t remember her exact words, but that was the gist of her answer. It is also what every bride I’ve worked with has said to me too. The words “natural” and “candid” are frequent descriptors of what they believe to be a good wedding film.
“I love how you get people’s laughs and smiles. And how everything looks so natural. I don’t know how else to explain it; it’s just so good-looking,” she continued as Kevin nodded in full agreement.
“Good-looking,” I thought to myself, bookmarking the moment she said it.
The naturalness in my work was good-looking. And it’s true, I’ve seen the way capturing candid, unfiltered, and authentic moments can make a good wedding film. As long as you’re genuinely happy, then a good filmmaker will capture authentic good-looking moments without missing a precious second. Even though we use the term “good-looking”, it isn’t so much about looking good as much as it is about feeling good.
While that may sound like a simple sentiment, it can be very difficult to achieve. After all, wedding days are known to cause stress and tension. It’s absolutely crucial that you and your partner take the time to figure out what makes each of you feel good ahead of your big day.
Looking good requires feeling good.
The Camera Philosophy
As you proceed through this book, it may help to think like a camera. These days, cameras have digital sensors that capture light and convert our view into an image. If we imagine ourselves as cameras, then the sensor would be our brain and nervous system, which takes in all the stimuli that surround us and interprets information. Just like a camera body, information can only reach us through a lens. Depending on the lens we choose to see the world, we may zoom in and focus too much on the negative details, or perhaps we’ll zoom out to get a wide view of life’s beauty. Regardless of what may be in front of us, it is the lens we choose to see the world that gives us a scene to remember.
It takes great concentration and practice to focus on something beautiful, but in the end, it's worth it to give your body a full memory card of joy.
As you progress through the chapters together, you’ll become more intimately in tune and supportive of one another for when your big day arrives.
In writing this book, I have neatly packaged my approach to filmmaking and the techniques I use to support clients in a five-step process. Coupled with extensive research, intriguing anecdotes, and wild experiences, we’ll dive into preparing you and your partner for your wondrous moments on camera.
Thank you so much for gifting me your time to read this teaser chapter. It means so much. To continue reading, the kindle ebook is still on a launch price special, at just $1.99 CAD. If this book resonates with you, it would be amazing to hear a quick review :)
Until next time,
– Aaron
